I can't believe it's been 7 years since we lost our sweet Jackson. The last 7 years have flown by and I often dream about what life would be like with him here. I believe that Peyton has a special connection with his brother and I am so thankful of the reminder that Peyton brings as he often speaks of Jackson and how much he misses him. Even though they obviously never knew each other in this life, I think they share a special Heavenly bond that can't be explained.
Some moments are still hard. Some days are still hard. But to be honest, I am thankful for the times I am able to just take some quiet time to myself and remember what it was like to hold my sweet boy. All those nights spent just me and him rocking quietly, nursing, singing, sharing our time together. I will never forget those moments with my sweet baby, it's those memories that move me forward when times are toughest, because I long for more of them, for more time spent with my boy. I know we will see him again.
I recently came across this song by Jo Dee Messina (thanks to a dear friend). The lyrics express well how I have felt.
Listen to the song HERE
I came by today to see you
Oh I had to let you know
If I knew the last time that I held you was the last time
I'd have held you, and never let go
Oh, it's kept me awake nights, wondering
I lie in the dark, just asking why
I've always been told
You won't be called home
Until it's your time
I guess heaven was needing a hero
Somebody just like you
Brave enough to stand up
For what you believe
And follow it through
When I try to make it make sense in my mind
The only conclusion I come to
Is heaven was needing a hero
Like you
I remember the last time I saw you
Oh, you held your head up proud
I laughed inside
When I saw how you were standing out in the crowd
Your such a part of who I am
Now that part will just be void
No matter how much I need you now
Heaven needed you more
Cause heaven was needing a hero
Somebody just like you
Brave enough to stand up
For what you believe
And follow it through
When I try to make it make sense in my mind
The only conclusion I come to
Is heaven was needing a hero
Like you
Is Heaven was needing a hero
and that's you
One of my favorite picutures of Jackson, taken Dec. 9, 2003
9 years ago
7 comments:
So sweet Laura. :)
His sweet little picture just gave me the biggest chills. I wish he were still here with you guys. A hero in Heaven for sure. :o)
thank you for your post, laura:) i love you.
Wow, what an emotional song! My family lost a baby nephew at 3 months old, and really the only way you can make sense of it is what that song says, heaven needed them more. What a bit of comfort to know that he is serving such a great purpose and that you can enjoy forever with him someday. I look up to you so much Laura. You have experienced so much loss in your life at such a young age, and you have stayed a rock in your faith and are a wonderful mom. Merry Christmas!My blog is private now so send me an e-mail me at: kellylsmith5@gmail.com
your posts about jackson are always so heartfelt and touching. he was such a sweet boy. i've never heard that song....it totally brought tears to my eyes. very sweet. love ya!
SEVEN YEARS!!! WOW. I am so glad that Peyton has a special connection with Jackson. How amazing are kids?
Thanks for sharing your feelings with us. So sorry this is trial you have to go through. Wish I could take the hurt away.
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