Our Boy...

I can't believe it's been 7 years since we lost our sweet Jackson. The last 7 years have flown by and I often dream about what life would be like with him here. I believe that Peyton has a special connection with his brother and I am so thankful of the reminder that Peyton brings as he often speaks of Jackson and how much he misses him. Even though they obviously never knew each other in this life, I think they share a special Heavenly bond that can't be explained.

Some moments are still hard. Some days are still hard. But to be honest, I am thankful for the times I am able to just take some quiet time to myself and remember what it was like to hold my sweet boy. All those nights spent just me and him rocking quietly, nursing, singing, sharing our time together. I will never forget those moments with my sweet baby, it's those memories that move me forward when times are toughest, because I long for more of them, for more time spent with my boy. I know we will see him again.

I recently came across this song by Jo Dee Messina (thanks to a dear friend). The lyrics express well how I have felt.

Listen to the song HERE

I came by today to see you
Oh I had to let you know
If I knew the last time that I held you was the last time
I'd have held you, and never let go

Oh, it's kept me awake nights, wondering
I lie in the dark, just asking why
I've always been told
You won't be called home
Until it's your time

I guess heaven was needing a hero
Somebody just like you
Brave enough to stand up
For what you believe
And follow it through
When I try to make it make sense in my mind
The only conclusion I come to
Is heaven was needing a hero
Like you

I remember the last time I saw you
Oh, you held your head up proud
I laughed inside
When I saw how you were standing out in the crowd
Your such a part of who I am
Now that part will just be void
No matter how much I need you now
Heaven needed you more

Cause heaven was needing a hero
Somebody just like you
Brave enough to stand up
For what you believe
And follow it through
When I try to make it make sense in my mind
The only conclusion I come to
Is heaven was needing a hero
Like you

Is Heaven was needing a hero
and that's you

One of my favorite picutures of Jackson, taken Dec. 9, 2003

Birthday Celebration Tradition...

Jackson's birthday has been a very special time over the last 7 years. Sometimes it's a happy day, sometimes a more tearful day, but it's always a day that we are able to remember him and talk about him (more than we do most other days). Here are some pictures of the last 5 years' birthday celebrations. What an amazing opportunity our family has to be able to have such a special brother and son!!

Happy Birthday Jackson!!

7 years ago today I became a monther for the first time. What an overwhelming, amazing experience and opportunity to be the mother of such a perfect boy. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him and what life would be like with him in our home. Happy birthday to my sweeet Angel, Jackson.

In Our Hearts...

Every year on December 10 Dan's Mom puts a memoriam in the news paper. Her simple gesture means so much to us. I just wanted to post the one for this year as the poem she chose is absolutely perfect at describing my feelings.
IN MEMORIAM

Jackson Daniel Hoover
Aug. 24, 2003 – Dec. 10, 2003

In Our Hearts
We thought of you with love today
But that is nothing new.
We thought about you yesterday
And days before that too.
We think of you in silence.
We often speak your name.
Now all we have is memories
And your picture in a frame.
Your memory is our keepsake
With which we'll never part.
God has you in his keeping.
We have you in our heart..
Love, Mom, Dad, Peyton, Bailey and Meemaw

Birthday Celebration...

For Jackson's birthday every year we visit the cemetery with a bouquet of balloons. The bouquet always has 1 Mylar balloon and then 1 balloon for each person in the family. It's always nice to just sit at the cemetery and visit as a family. We love to sit around and talk about Jackson and tell the kids more about what he was like and talk about what it might be like when we see him again. We each take a regular balloon and let it go up to the sky and say whatever is on our mind. I just had to share that this year P said "I hope you like Batman Jackson" (notice the Mylar balloon is a Batman one). It was so cute because Peyton is so concerned that Jackson might not like Batman when they meet again, he just really wants to play superhero's with his brother! Anyway, it's always a peaceful time for me to be able to enjoy my family, make new memories and celebrate old ones.

Happy Birthday Jackson!

Today we are celebrating what would be Jackson's 6th birthday. The day he was born to Dan and I was one of the most amazing days of our life. Those who had a chance to meet and spend time with Jackson could feel his sweet spirit. He was such a great baby and we are so thankful he is in our family. We speak of him often in our home and are excited for our reunion with him. I am so thanful for the chance that I have to be his earthly mother even though it was only for a short time here. Words can't express the feeling of being a mother, the love I feel for my children is beyond description and I am thankful to Jackson for allowing me to feel that for him. I know that I will see him again and we will be able to be together. Happy Birthday Jackson, we love you!