Our Boy...

I can't believe it's been 7 years since we lost our sweet Jackson. The last 7 years have flown by and I often dream about what life would be like with him here. I believe that Peyton has a special connection with his brother and I am so thankful of the reminder that Peyton brings as he often speaks of Jackson and how much he misses him. Even though they obviously never knew each other in this life, I think they share a special Heavenly bond that can't be explained.

Some moments are still hard. Some days are still hard. But to be honest, I am thankful for the times I am able to just take some quiet time to myself and remember what it was like to hold my sweet boy. All those nights spent just me and him rocking quietly, nursing, singing, sharing our time together. I will never forget those moments with my sweet baby, it's those memories that move me forward when times are toughest, because I long for more of them, for more time spent with my boy. I know we will see him again.

I recently came across this song by Jo Dee Messina (thanks to a dear friend). The lyrics express well how I have felt.

Listen to the song HERE

I came by today to see you
Oh I had to let you know
If I knew the last time that I held you was the last time
I'd have held you, and never let go

Oh, it's kept me awake nights, wondering
I lie in the dark, just asking why
I've always been told
You won't be called home
Until it's your time

I guess heaven was needing a hero
Somebody just like you
Brave enough to stand up
For what you believe
And follow it through
When I try to make it make sense in my mind
The only conclusion I come to
Is heaven was needing a hero
Like you

I remember the last time I saw you
Oh, you held your head up proud
I laughed inside
When I saw how you were standing out in the crowd
Your such a part of who I am
Now that part will just be void
No matter how much I need you now
Heaven needed you more

Cause heaven was needing a hero
Somebody just like you
Brave enough to stand up
For what you believe
And follow it through
When I try to make it make sense in my mind
The only conclusion I come to
Is heaven was needing a hero
Like you

Is Heaven was needing a hero
and that's you

One of my favorite picutures of Jackson, taken Dec. 9, 2003

Fall time...

I haven't been to good at blogging. So I'll try to recap what has been going on around our home since August.
In September we went to Peach Days with some friends. It was our first time going to Peach Days. The kids had a great time and I guess we did too?? (fought crazy crowds and spent a butt load of $$)

In October Bailey started dance. She is so girly and LOVES to sing and dance around the house. She has loved being in dance and has been doing well. Parents can only watch the first lesson of each month so we watched her for the first time in November. She didn't really pay attention too much while we were watching and we kept trying not to make eye contact so she would ignore us and dance but it really didn't work. Now we understand why parents can't watch every week.

Halloween was fun this year. We did our regular pumpkin carving with some friends except this year we used foam pumpkins. Foam pumpkins never get rotten and you can save them from year to year so we were very excited at our discovery. This year we carved batman, a skull, Snow White, Iron Man, and one that said Trick or Treat for Jackson's headstone.

Peyton dressed up as Wolverine and Bailey went as Snow White. We had a lot of fun with Beetle's costume, she sure played the part too.

Peyton had a kindergarten program a few days before Halloween. He and his class mates sang lot of cute Halloween songs. I have to admit I got a little teary (I know, I'm a boob) I just couldn't help it, he is so grown up!

Last but not least, we celebrated Peyton's 6 birthday!! I can't believe how quickly time passes. For his birthday we had a little party with his friends then took him and 7 of his friends to see MegaMind. Lucky for us we had some good friends who were willing to help us man the crazy kiddos. Let's just say Dan and I NEVER want to have 8 kids!! Especially all around the same age!!

I just want to mention how thankful I am to be Peyton's mom. He is such a sweet, kind little boy. I'm not saying he never gives his sister crap or is never disobedient but mostly he is perfect. Every time I turn around he is doing something sweet for his sister, helping her with her seat belt, getting her a drink or a treat, playing ring around the rosy with her, all without being asked. Peyton and Bailey have been doing the cutest thing lately, he is really into football these days (probably because it's LSU's football season) so they go into the living room and he is LSU and she is USU and they play one down of football then one round of ring around the rosy, then one down of football then a round of ring around the rosy and so on. Dan and I love to sit and watch them. We truly are blessed.

Peyton's going to Kindergarten!

I can't believe Peyton is old enough to start Kindergarten! He has been so excited to go. The only tears were when he thought he wouldn't see me very much because he was going to be at school all day (he's a Mama's boy, what can I say). Once I explained that he would only be in school for less than 3 hours, the tears were gone!

He did so well on his Kindergarten testing, he knew a lot more then I thought he did, I definitely can't take all the credit. When asked to identify a number the teacher held up number 79 and he knew what it was. She said "WOW Peyton, that is awesome that you knew the number 79! How did you know it?" He replied "hmph, I just sounded it out!" Silly boy.

I know he is going to have a great time learning and playing with new friends.

Going to meet his teacher (nice pose buddy)!

Ready for the first REAL day of Kindergarten.

Birthday Celebration Tradition...

Jackson's birthday has been a very special time over the last 7 years. Sometimes it's a happy day, sometimes a more tearful day, but it's always a day that we are able to remember him and talk about him (more than we do most other days). Here are some pictures of the last 5 years' birthday celebrations. What an amazing opportunity our family has to be able to have such a special brother and son!!

Happy Birthday Jackson!!

7 years ago today I became a monther for the first time. What an overwhelming, amazing experience and opportunity to be the mother of such a perfect boy. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him and what life would be like with him in our home. Happy birthday to my sweeet Angel, Jackson.

It's Amazing!

I really can't believe it's actually happened but... I am a REAL REGISTERED NURSE! I took my RN NCLEX on Friday June 4, 2010. I got 75 questions of which I was sure I got 2 or 3 correct. I was sure I had bombed the exam. I had to wait 48 hrs to get my results. I have had a few very horrible 48 hr stretches but this I might say was among one of the worst. I was so relieved when I found out I passed that all I could do was cry. I am so glad that's over with. It's so unreal that I am finished with that part of my life.
I have been working full time orienting as an RN on the Infant medical/surgical unit and it has been awesome. At first I was EXTREMELY overwhelmed with the prospect of remembering so many protocols and so much information and providing extraordinary care to my patients. The good thing is, each shift I feel better about being on my own. I work with so many amazing, helpful people and I know I will always be able to use them as resources during my nursing career. I really can honestly say, I love my job! What an amazing time of life!

Tball

Peyton is playing Tball for his first time, and is LOVING it! We decided to have him play in Syracuse with one of his buddies becasue they have the coach pitch first then have the kids hit off the tee. He has been playing well and making Dan and I proud. He looks so cute in his uniform, I love game days!! I'm not sure who's loving it more, me or Peyton :)

Disneyland 2010

BEWARE: LOTS OF PICTURES AHEAD!

In May we were able to take the kids to Disneyland for a week. We kept it a secret until we got to the hotel, we just kept telling the kids were running errands. I can't believe Dan and I kept a secret that long, we're the type of people that have a hard time keeping anything a secret! We were pretty proud of ourselves but now wish we would have just told the kids when we got to the airport to fly to California. Peyton had multiple breakdowns because he just wanted to play with his friends and was very unsure of the whole thing (what can I say, he's like me...not OK with not knowing the future). I think we may have gotten a better reaction had we told them earlier. We had a great time despite the rough start.

Pictures from the airport and airplane.

Video of us breaking the news.

This pictures was just after we told the kids what our "errands" were, they were fighting over who stood where in the picture.

We decided to stay at a Disney hotel Paradise Pier, It was nice and close to the parks. The weather could have been a little warmer for swimming, but it was nice that we weren't roasting at the parks.

Aunt Kathy met us there and spent the whole time at Disneyland with us. It was so great to see her! I really can't believe it but I don't have any pictures of her with Bailey! That just shows how slowly Bailey takes to warm up to people.

The kids loved the parades! We watched the Celebrate parade 3 times while we were there!

Here are some of Bailey's favorite characters, besides the Disney Princesses of course.

And some pictures of Peyton with his favorites.

More characters...

Some of our favorite rides...

And more silly pictures of the family...

Bailey LOVED meeting all the princesses. Upon meeting each of them she would cover her mouth and act shy, with most of them she asked to see their shoes. She was very unimpressed with Mulan's shoes because they were not very dainty. One of the mornings we were there we went to breakfast at Ariel's Grotto which was so fun and nice because Bailey was able to meet all of the princesses during our Disneyland vacation.

Most of the princesses were very friendly and talkative with Bailey. I love this one of Tiana telling Bailey a story.

Peyton was able to do the Jedi Training Academy. We were pretty nervous that he would get scared and start crying when Darth Vader came up out of the stage (he's just a little tender, gets that from his Dad). He did really well though. The show was different from the last time we saw it, now they have added Darth Maul, who looked scarier then ever! When the Darth's came up out of the stage Peyton got a look of concern on his face and took off running toward us! Just as he was bolting across the floor toward us a Jedi Master clothes lined him and pulled him back to where the other trainees were. After that Peyton seemed OK, just very concerned (no crying at all!) and went on to fight Darth Maul, it was so awesome! I think he was just thinking what the BLEEP, this doesn't look good I better get outta here (see beginning of the video below)!!

Dan being silly in Toon Town